There were a few places to go with this post. I had mentioned looking at rape, I had mentioned looking at how different people may perceive sex, and the Mrs. Robinson thing. I think that I'm not quite ready to tackle an issue like rape - mainly because I don't really think that people would be able to see more than one side of it. Men raped by women might be one way to ease into the topic, but I still think I'm not quite ready for it yet.  The Mrs. Robinson thing, though, I can start there. 

Dirty Old men does not Dirty old women make: Men routinely sleep with younger women. They do this because they can, because they have power -  economic, social, physical. Women, especially younger women, do not have this power. Instead, they do have some degree of sexual power and use it. Young men do not have this type of power; so if a 40 year old woman sleeps with a 20 year old man, it is not the same as when a 40 year old man sleeps with a 20 year old woman. The 40 year old woman has very little actual power while the 40  year old man does. 

This is also unsuprisingly uncommon. Older women do not usually sleep with younger men. The latest "cougar" fad notwithstanding, there is little to be gained by a woman  sleeping with a younger man. Often, much as people might not like to believe it, women marry up (i.e. older), not down. So you can't make a comparison about what the majority of what men do with what a minority of women do. 

There is always the sexuality argument - the one that involves men reaching their sexual peak at 18 while women reach it at 35. If this argument has any basis in fact, and many people can anecdotally confirm it, then it is natural for women to want so have sex with younger men. They are just trying to match their libidos, and this is perfectly natural, and certainly doesn't make them "dirty old women". 

If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander: A 20 year age difference is a 20 year difference. A 20 year old can have nothing in common with a 40 year old. It's not about power, its about having sex with someone who could be the same age as your kids. And if men who do are looked down upon, so should women. That's part of the whole equality equation -  you have to take the good with the bad.

 

While men may often marry younger, the gap is actually pretty small. The average age for women getting married is 29; for men it is 33. This is not a huge difference - it's the difference between freshman and seniors. Look at most people you know who are in couples - are they 20 years apart or less than 5? If it is less then 5, then  you have to hold women to the same candle that men are held to. 

The sexuality argument is weak at best. Maybe there is anecdotal evidence, but there is equally anecdotal evidence for girls maturing faster than boys - so it is equally natural for men to look for younger women. That's if anecdotal evidence means anything, which it usually doesn't - it just means that you can remember an example. 

What I think: My position is that neither women nor men who sleep with, have relationships with, people significantly younger than them are not perverts. As long as they are all adults - which perhaps I will work at defining in a later post - then it is perfectly OK. Either side may have an ulterior motive; the young woman could be Anna Nicole Smith and want economic security; the older woman could be Stifler's mom and just want some hot sex. Or they could actually be in love. And the older man could be rich old man who wants a trophy wife, while the younger man could be a pool boy who wants some story to tell his buddies. Or they could actually be in love. And I don't just mean in the legal perspective, either; people can be naive or jaded at any age.

How I Relate: My wife is a few years older than me, and my two girlfriends before her were older than she was. I knew what I was doing and so did they; i never hid my age or did they hide theirs. And I know many people who have been with people twice their age, half their age, half their age plus seven, and so on; some relationships have worked, some have not. Some people who are the same age don't last - some do. And being attracted to someone older or younger than yourself doesn't make anyone a pervert; just makes you a person. 

So that's actually a pretty decent post, I think. My portfolio idea is not doing much right now; I've had a bunch of stuff on my mind and had a pretty lousy weekend, but I still have what's important - my wife. I still want to work on it, but I'm a bit behind, that's all. I think i could probably ease my way into the rape discussion from here, but I'll have to wait and see how it unfolds. I also think about culture often, and I may be able to get a post out of that. 

Male Hookers

Continuing the theme of the previous couple of posts, and trying to get back up on the post count, I decided to go with male prostitutes. I think, to approach this one properly, we have to look at male prostitutes for women, not for men. I think this is a good paradigm because it is a bit more open to interpretation than the men on men paradigm. 

Male hookers are just as common as female hookers: Male hookers, while maybe not as easy to see, are just as everywhere as women hookers are. Men will routinely have sex with women for monetary gain, if not directly money. Men will sleep with women who have money and reward them in other gifts, in cash, and in other benefits. 

The easy example is the stereotype (or is it archetype) of the pool boy / lawn boy. The "boy" is young, poor, and has sex with an older woman, often married, and she rewards him with a larger paycheck. When you compare this transaction to a man / woman prostitution transaction, it is nearly identical. The fact that women don't often go out cruising the streets looking for a trick doesn't mean that it doesn't happen - it just happens in different ways. 

Women also have been known to go on trips to places like Jamaica where they will engage in illicit transactions. They may not actually pay men there in cash, but they will give them things; there is an entire industry built around this type of transaction. And there are direct male escorts - admittedly harder to find than female ones, but they do exist. And a quick look at Craigs list or kijiji will show you many men who will have sex with women for money, and many women who will pay. 

Male prostitutes are a myth: There really aren't any women paying for sex. If they are giving people gifts, then they are in a relationship. Prostitution is defined as receiving money for sex - so gifts or other benefits don't count. That aside, prostitution is primarily about power, and since women don't have much power, there aren't male prostitutes. 

The pool boy myth is exactly that -  a myth. If they existed, they wouldn't be complaining about it; but really they don't exist. They make a good episode of Desperate Housewives, but they don't actually happen. It's just an adolescent male fantasy that somehow got wings and is still around. And you can't compare Stella getting her groove back to a real prostitution thing. THe male prostitute is a hollywood creation - or as Samantha said in Sex and the City - "Male prostitutes...are for first novels".

Just because something is advertised on Kijiji or Craigslist doesn't mean that it actually happens. There are a lot of things advertised there that never happen. just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's true. If you were to check those ads, a lot of them would be fake, and a lot of those women looking for a discreet hookup are actually hookers. 

What I think: I think that male hookers are definitely around, and are a lot more prevalent than people think. I do think that they payment is less overt, and more likely to come in forms of women buying really nice things for their boy toys. Prostitution is a power thing - and any woman who has economic power is just as likely to use it for personal sexual gain as men are. I also think that women who pay men for sex probably justify it in the same way that men do; and that male who are in these situations can end up being just as damaged as women can - any they don't have any way to deal with it. 

How I relate: Well, I've never been paid for sex. But I do know a few male friends who had sugar mamas; and they benefitted financially from it. I don't know how it affected them, but I think that their future relationships with women weren't very healthy. I've seen a few documentaries about male escorts and the resort types as well. 

With all that stuff in mind, I started thinking about sex and Mrs. Robinson thing. It's curious that we still use a reference to a 1967 movie to define that particular relationship, because there are far better examples of it out there. And most people I know probably haven't even seen "The Graduate" anyways. But it would make a good topic - i mean, is there a difference between a 27 year old woman who sleeps with a 14 year old boy and 27 years old man who sleeps with a 14 year old girl? And the language in that sentence would probably annoy some people - because it so black and when when presented in those terms (woman/boy; man/girl). And from that as well, I think a good topic could be men raped by women.  And I bet I have a really hard time finding pictures for this post.