Weight

This post is something I have thought about a bit, for a few reasons. It is big news all over the place, and there is really not much that hasn't been covered in any number of documentaries, reality type shows, books, magazines, blogs, websites, and so on. So can I really add insight or depth to a topic that has been pretty much devoured? No, but that hasn't stopped me before. 

People with weight issues have no self control: This is basically an variation of American myth. It flows that, since an individual is the person who actually consumes the food, they are solely responsible for their weight issues. It's not like anyone is forcing food down their throats; and so if they eat too much or too little, then it is up them to fix it. Just close your damn mouth, or don't open it, or just eat right! It's not like we don't learn healthy eating habits from grade school on, so just do it!

An extension of this argument is that if people do eat unhealthily and have weight and health issues as a result, then so be it. It's just Darwinism at it's finest. People who aren't healthy are less likely to reproduce. So if some people want to eat unhealthily, let them; society doesn't need whatever gene they have that makes them eat unhealthily anyway.

As final proof of this argument, people can easily point to the same reality shows, like "the Biggest Loser", that highlight all people have to do is buckle down and change their habits. If they can do it on TV, they can do it at home as well. 

Society is as much to blame as the individual: This argument basically holds that because of constant influences in our society - such as fashion magazines and fast food restaurants - that people as a whole are less able to resist the unhealthy eating. Fast food is everywhere; we have less time; and we are less able to cook at home. This helps explain why people overeat - and unrealistic body images like those in fashion magazines and in movies, tv and

 the internet can contribute to people who develop disorders like anorexia.

An extension of this argument is that since our society is partly responsible for the situation, then it is up to society to try to fix it. This is why you will see things like healthy eating programs in schools, stomach surgery paid for by insurance policies (in the US - in Canada, it can be covered by provincial health care plans), and laws enacted banning trans-fats in certain food situations. 

As final proof of society's culpability, they will point to the fact that the average American (and Canadian, though not quite as much) is heavier that they used to be by a very large margin. They will point out that when there us a measurable increase in these things, it is now a societal problem, not just an individual problem. They will say that it is a disease just as cancer or asthma is. 

What I think: This is an issue that I have thought about a lot, and I have come up with no solid answer. Surprise surprise. I think it can be an individual issue - ultimately it has to be, because it has to be the individual that makes the change for themselves. But it also has to be a societal issue - you would have to be an exceptionally strong individual to resist all the forces aligned against healthy eating. Not just magazines - which really get too much press; I mean, how many people still read magazines anyway? - but our time constrained lifestyles, the cheapness of fatty foods, the accessibility of unhealthy choices, to name a few. So can an individual change? Certainly. Can society? Certainly. Will either? I think not. 

How I relate: I don't eat the best, and I am fairly immune to most advertising. Not completely immune - I still love my McDonald's and Taco Time. But I am conscious of how I look, and I try to avoid the really bad stuff on a regular basis. I wonder how some people can let themselves go the way they do, but I know that it is not an overnight process. I know people don't just wake up one day and find they are xxx heavier or lighter; it takes time. And bottom line, maybe the west deserves exactly what it gets - if heart disease and failed kidneys are the price of our decadence, then most of us will be okay with that.   

Should you forgive someone who has cheated on you?

This is the last post that I alluded to in my earlier posts; I think it should be a good topic. Since I dealt with the definition of cheating in an earlier post as well, I won't dwell on that too much, although it can be relevant. What I will assume that cheating is whatever you define it to be. That will keep the posts consistent.

Kick the cheater out: This school of thought stems from the belief that the relationship it self is near sacred; and a betrayal must then lead to the end of the relationship on those terms. Because the relationship is defined as not having the extra-curricular activity in it, the relationship must end. 

This is a very common way for relationships to end - with one person cheating on the other. It is in the wedding vows (you and no other) as well as being an important part of religious dogma. For many people, this is the reason to get married and divorced. If you assume that fidelity is part a marriage, then you must then assume that lack of fidelity negates the marriage. 

There a good number of smaller backups for this reasoning. You don't want your kids seeing that. You want to know that the kids you are raising are yours - the genetic argument, more applicable to men than women, but still relevant in the context of blended families. Self esteem is another reason; if you know your spouse is getting satisfied elsewhere, then what good are you? And why are you supporting them? 

Everyone deserves another chance: This could be considered a christian point of view: turn the other cheek. It also perhaps recognizes the humanity in all of us - if we are all weak, then we should be forgiven for succumbing to our weaknesses. Once anyways. Some people may hold that you should be forgiven an infinite number of times. 

Another way of looking at this perspective is that it is not the cheating itself that causes the problem, but the knowledge of it. In the event that there is no knowledge, there is no problem; and if this is true, then perhaps additional chances, once knowledge is gained, is not only worthwhile but practical. 

Finally, this perspective is often taken by people who believe that even though they do not like that their partner has cheated, they have as well. Or maybe they know that they would cheat, given the oppourtunity; or that they want to cheat and this gives them a "get out of jail free card". Or, perhaps, they may be reliant on the other person for material goods, in the case of poorer people with richer spouses. And there is always the fear that the people who said that you would never last will be proven right - and that can't happen. 

Left out of the arguments: I deliberately left out the "it was just sex" argument because it could fit into both sides.  The "dump them" side can argue that if it was just sex, then why did you do it? The give them a chance side can argue that infidelity is usually an indication of other underlying problems that need to be dealt with, and the cheating was just a symptom and therefor not grounds to end it. 

Where I stand: I stand firmly on the side of forgiveness. Not firmly, really, because I think it would depend on the exact circumstances, but I think that it is an underlying issue not a main one. This is connected to the "what is sex" blog, because it is probably easier to forgive kissing someone else that outright penetrative sex with them. I do believe that people can get through issues like this without it destroying the relationship, but that it can be a slow process to rebuild. 

How I relate: As I mentioned in the other post, I have been in the compromising positions as has my spouse; and we've been able to work through them or get past them, whatever language you prefer. This is why I fall on the forgiveness side. I think that there are definite cases, where cheating is regular that it does warrant a split, and sometimes people just don't want to forgive. The biggest problem that people suffer from is that the betrayal aspect of it very hard to forgive - no matter what people like to think of themselves. 

Well, I don't know what I'll be talking about now. I'll think of something I'm sure, and there are still many aspects of sexuality that I haven't even touched on. 

 

Birthdays

There is so much going on right now that I wanted to do a topic that I haven't touched on at all. I could talk about the Canadian election, or the American one, or the Boston Red Sox, or the Saskatchewan Roughriders, or the weather. But I wanted to talk about birthdays. The only challenge is in determining the context. So I think I'll put them in the context of:

Birthdays are just for kids: Birthdays are really a meaningless day; it's not like you actually change from one day to the next, so they are essentially just for kids. When you get older, they cease to have any real meaning; after you get the legal rights to drive, vote, drink, kill other people in wars, be held responsible for crimes, and enter into contracts, there is really no point in them. They are just hallmark days. There is no difference between 24 and 28; or 38 and 42; or 73 and 83. For kids, the birthdays are a good markers for the passage of time, but really, the start of the school year is a better marker. But kids like them, it makes them feel important, which is a feeling most kids don't get, so celebrate them. The last important birthday (in Canada, anyways) is the 19th - because then you can legally drink anywhere in the country. 

Birthdays are important for everyone: Maybe the day itself does not mean much, but they still are a time of reflection for people. It is a time that many people take to look back at the year that was, and how they have progressed as individuals, and as such, it should be maintained and continued. Plus, it is a time honoured tradition, and that only gives it value. And the milestone birthdays always mean something - 20, 30, 40, 50, 65. Because they have value culturally, they have value to individuals. 

Where I stand - I like birthdays, but I don't see much point in them. That said, I always like to go birthday parties, and I like my own as well. I like the "specialness" of them -  and even the slight extra recognition that people get on their birthdays is positive. 

How I relate: Guess what - it's my birthday this month. October is always a busy month for birthdays - lots of Scorpios and Libras in my circle of friends, I guess. So that's why I'm thinking about it. Yay birthdays!

Ok, this was a boring post. I'll do better next time. I promise.