Marriage

Marriage

Nope, not gay marriage – that will be a later post. This is just

about marriage in general – and should you get married? And 

for the purpose of this entry, we will assume we are only 

talking about heterosexual marriage; but most, not all, 

observations could apply to homosexual marriage as well.

Take the plunge. Get Married!! –

Marriage is the ultimate expression of love in our society.

That is happens to be sanctioned by organized religion is incidental; 

it is about two people who love each other and presumably want 

to reproduce. A public declaration of love also makes it easier

on you – you can start introducing them as a husband or 

wife, instead of the awkward “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, “spouse” 

or “partner”. If you’re female in the western world, it’s what you

 are supposed to want – and admit it, you do! I mean, 8000

wedding magazines and 50000 wedding sites can’t be wrong.

For a woman, it’s her day. Maybe there are other good days, 

but this one is all yours. And you’re allowed to be a bitch 

leading up to it. You can complain, gripe, be picky, and 

bemoan whatever you want, because it is all about you! 

And you’re entitled. Whatever might come after or has happened

before, this is the one day where all eyes are on you. You may

never be a real princess, but today you feel like one.

And according to some people, you never have to give head again.

For a man, it’s the ultimate expression of love. You want 

to make your girlfriend happy, and this will do it. There’s

all the fringe benefits, too: the honeymoon, the big party

in your honour (and the bachelor party), people stop asking

when you are going to make her an honest woman, you give

more of an appearance of being stable, which makes you a 

better employee, somehow.

And, you can get laid whenever you want.

Some other reasons: people who have been divorced still get 

married again – if they keep on doing it, there must be 

something to it. There are religious reasons and family 

reasons. And once people are married, they tend to try 

harder to work their problems out than if they are not. And if

you are with someone and have kids, it will be easier on 

them; to explain to their friends that mom and dad have 

different last names, and they just live together is harder 

to explain that just saying “that’s mom and Dad.”

Your parents probably got married, and you turned out fine,

didn’t you?

It’s just a meaningless social convention. Don’t bother!! –

Just because society tells you to do something, why do you

have to? If society jumped of a bridge, would you? You don’t

need a piece of paper to tell the person you love how you feel

about them. And as for the rest of the world, it’s none 

of their business. We have separate bank accounts, separate 

names, separate jobs. And if we get married, we have to go 

through the whole name change thing, which is just a pain 

in the ass.

And look at the divorce rate! We have a 50-50 shot at best. 

And if things aren’t working, I want to be able to leave quickly,

 I don’t want to have to go to court and all that shit. Why 

should I stay and work at something that won’t work? 

Marriage is just a de beers creation anyways; or at best it’s a

religious convention designed to keep women from owning 

property. A wedding itself is a lousy way to start off a life

together – with an overpriced party that you are too tired 

to even enjoy, and will cause so many fight that you’ll be

lucky to get to the honeymoon. The money that you spend on

that navel gazing gift grab could be better spent on your 

new house or paying down bills or donating it to charity!

And what does marriage mean, exactly? Nothing, really. 

It means that you can afford to get married; or that you 

cave to pressure from your parents or fiancé or society 

or whatever. If you love the person, why would getting

married change anything? And if it does, what does that 

say about you? How many men have lousy sex lives after

 they get married? And how many women have partners

 who just stop trying after they take the plunge?

Besides, your parents both married at least twice, and

each marriage screwed you up more that their last one. 

Maybe if there was a good example somewhere, it wouldn’t

be such a negative thing.

Kids don’t even enter into the equation. They can figure

out who mom and dad are – last names don’t really 

mean anything. Besides, a lot of people don’t even change

 their names anymore.

Where I stand:

I think – ha ha – that it really is up to the individual and

the individual couple. The divorce rate has stayed the same for the last 20 years, hovering around 50%. And this is all marriages, so you have to figure that some are getting married and divorced again. I do think that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons; for example, there are still people who get married when the woman gets knocked up, or because their

parents want them to. If one position is very important to the one person, and the other person is ambivalent, then they should go along with the first person. If both are ambivalent about the issue, then they should only get married for superficial reasons. I do tend to think that it is a

somewhat archaic tradition, but then I see that the marriage rate is higher than ever (90% + of the population) and the divorce rate is steady, so maybe it’s not so archaic.

How I relate:

I’m married; have been for 7 years. My parents have been married for 30 plus; my grandparents were always married. My aunts and uncles – some were married and some were “common-law” – and it was the both one of the married ones and one of the common-law ones that split up. My wife and I have different last names – I don’t really care about it, and it was just easier not to change them. I’ve seen both the really good and the really bad, so I don’t think that there is a “right” thing to do – but all reasons for and against it are valid. I am surprised, though, that so many of the gender roles in a loot of marriages have stayed the same. I think that if the gender roles were more interchangeable, less people would want to get married. Just an opinion.