http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1118133I read an advice column that had to do with rape the other day. The column is by my favourite advice column person, Dan Savage, and the column is called Savage Love. Perhaps I'll post a link to it here. While I very rarely have any occasion to disagree with Mr. Savage - and I certainly don't disagree with him WRT the particular column - it did get me thinking about rape and some various aspects thereof: legal, moral, crime and punishment type stuff. So that will be the topic of a future post. I'll do a series of 3 or 4 on sex, because I have a few potential topics in that vein now. But not starting today.
Instead, I was talking with a coworker, and she has just recently moved back into her parent's house after breaking up with her boyfriend. The only really notable thing about that is that she is 27; that seems to me like a good intro into the topic today. In Canada and the US, we view "living at home" as a somewhat negative thing - even though many of us do it. So perhaps this is a thing that needs a bit of exploration.
Get the Hell out of my House, and take your Loser friends with you: As soon as you are financially able, you should get your own place. Or maybe be forced to get your own place - in other words, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. Maybe "financially able" isn't the right term; maybe it should be, as soon as you graduate from high school or college or university. You have to join the adult world at some time; living on your own is the a great start.
That's from the parent's perspective. But what about from the adult child? Why would a 21 or 22 or 35 or 45 year old person want to live in the same house as the parents? THere are the obvious complications caused by partying, but that is only the start of it. When you live at your parent's place, you have to live by their rules. that means you turn down the TV and music; that means you keep a curfew; that means that you eat the supper that they cook. And if you are paying them rent, then why not just get your own place? If you aren't paying them rent, then you get no say in the operations of the place. But you are still expected to keep up on the maintenance, and do the dishes, and basically be treated like a child.
Sometimes, parents really want their kids to get out. They've worked hard, raised their kids, helped them out of trouble, picked them up when they were loaded, gave them money and support - now they want their space. So let them have it! Sure they want to see you, but maybe they want to have sex in the living room without worrying their adult kids are going to walk in on them. Or sleep naked and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Or watch more shows that Dawson's Creek and Gilmore Girls reruns. So give your parents the space they deserve, and find your own place in the world.
I can't Get out! They Keep pulling me back in! The thing is, I want to get my own place, really I do, but it's just to expensive. I have student loans and car insurance and a car loan and rent would be minimum of $600 a month, and that's with a roommate, and I still want to travel, and where would I put all my stuff, I don't want to have to work 2 jobs just so I can live. Besides, I know about life, I know how to pay my bills on time, why is it necessary to pay more? My parents are mortgage free anyway, so its not like I'm imposing on them.
Sometimes, parents are actually close to their kids. And they want them to stay at home; and the kids want to be there. Moving out just for the sake of moving out is not a real good option; soon enough, the kids and parents will grow apart because the kids will get their own lives; the closeness that comes from being an adult with your parents is a rare treat; it should be prolonged, not shortened. And many times, the parents benefit from having the kids around - they can help with the maintenance and chores - and if you are going to pay rent anyway, why not pay it to your family? Why would you prefer to give your money to a stranger.
Putting aside money issues, there is the cultural aspect of it. In virtually all cultures, the kids will live at home until they get married. This extends to European, African, Asian, and probably South and Central American. The only cultures that value living on your own is Canadian, American, Australian, and some parts of Great Britain. We should accept that cultures have different ideals, and accept it.
What I think: The very phrase "living at home" seems to me to bring up a certain expectation. Don't you always live at home? No - when you are away at school, for example. So "living at home" implies that until you have your own home, you are not really fulfilling your expected role. So i really do think that the concept of not living at the same residence as your parents when you are over 22 really is a cultural one; one that is strongly influenced in Canada by the sheer volume of land available. Because Canada is largely a nation of immigrants and wanderers, the culture expects it's young to get up and go - out of the family house. I don't think that there is anything wrong with living at your parents house, and often it is more practical than not. Still, I can't help but think that people who do still live with their parents for an extended period of time are somehow less independent than others. I still tend to think of those people as somewhat spoiled or lazy - even though I know it isn't true.
How I relate: Personally, I moved out of the parent's place when I was 17 and I could never go back. I get along great with my parents, and I love them a lot, but I just couldn't just have "my own room". Women aren't the only ones who need a room of their own. I can visit there, and I can stay with my inlaws for short periods, but for a year or two? Wouldn't happen. It bothers me that I look down on people who live at their parent's place, probably because it somehow feels like they are cheating - why do they get to live rent free and have their groceries provided and I don't? But I know that's me being petty.
So not bad this month on the post count. Still working on the portfolios; harder to structure for the small amounts. I have made some good progress on them, and have 4 or 5 designed. There a currency portfolio, which was really straightforward; a real property one (gold, silver, and whatnot - the actual commodities), a penny stock one, a Canadian equity one, a bond /debt one; and a balance one. I'll post the makeup of them soon. And in my next few posts, I'll start the "sex sells" series.
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