So I guess I'm going to take a shot at this. It's a very touchy subject and I've had to think a lot about how I want to approach it. I tossed around various ideas - like, what exactly is rape; is is different for men and women; what punishment is appropriate for it; do circumstances matter. The only way that I think I can approach it, right now at any rate, is if it is different for men and women. As in my previous posts, I will not be dealing with same sex rapes, although I may in a different post. Something like "is a man raping a man the same as a woman raping a woman".
And as an aside, I really object to the common colloquial usage of the term "rape". I liken it to the dumbing down of the term "holocaust" and that the common usage detracts from the word and makes the word and thus the action more acceptable.
Before I even get into this, I have to define rape. So what it specifically means , in this post - feel free to disagree - is having sex with a person against their will. This is the strictest definition that I can go with. Why the definition is important will be clear throughout the post; so when I think about this, I will have to keep it within that definition.
Rape is worse for women that for men: How can anyone think that rape is equal for men? Rape is committed by men against women; it is a violent and misogynist act. It is a violation of a woman's body; it is not a violation of a man's body. In the very rare cases when men are raped by women, the physical injuries to a man are nothing on comparison to the physical injuries to a woman.
Emotionally, women are far more damaged by rape than men. You don't hear about men taking a 3 hour shower to wash the feelings of dirtiness from them. Throughout history, the one thing that women have always had recognized control over was their bodies - raping a woman is taking this one unequivocal control away from her. For men, if they are ever raped by a woman, they still have control over the rest of their lives, while women do not.
The psychological damage for women is far greater as well. Men do not become afraid of women; but women become afraid of men, afraid to trust them, afraid to put themselves in any potentially threatening situations. Men go on with their lives like nothing has happened. Men won't hide in their houses for years, afraid to get in a relationship, because the damage is no where near as painful to men.
Rape is rape, no matter who the victim is: Just because most men are stronger than men, it doesn't mean that they aren't physically injured. In any rape, it is horrible and men can be just as physically injured by women as women can by men. There is no doubt that rape of women by men is misogynist; and rape of men by women is misandry. In either case it is effectively a hate crime against the opposite sex.
Emotionally, men are just as affected by being raped; they just aren't allowed to show it in any way. Likely, for men the emotional impact could not even be manifest as there is no acceptable emotion for a man who has been raped by a woman. And just because you don't hear about men taking 3 hours after being raped, it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. The only way for men to have any reaction is keep control of their lives, because that's all they are allowed (socially and culturally) to do.
The psychological damage for men who were raped by a woman is equal to that of woman who has been raped by a man. It will affect everyone differently based on any number of factors, but men will become withdrawn; they may hide in their homes; they may never trust women again. Men are capable of having the same reactions to a violent personal crime that women are.
What I think: I believe that men are just as damaged by rape as women are. I also believe that men do not have any method of actually dealing with rape if it were to happen to them, because nobody - and I mean nobody - would believe them. I also think that it happens a lot more than people think, because virtually no man would ever report it, and they would likely blame themselves - the exact things that happen when women are raped. There are many jokes about men being raped by women (example: Beer, the date rape drug being used on men) that illustrate the point that men have few options if it happens to them - and there are a whole pile of jokes that trivialize the rape of women (many of the fake "motivational posters", for example).
How I relate: Well, I can't say I've ever been raped by a woman - but then I wouldn't say anyways, would I? Still, I have known men who have been raped by women but would never admit it, but it has really messed them up. I have also known women who have been raped by men, and it has put them in a world of shit. Both men and women have the internal capacity to recover from something horrible like rape happening to them, but capacity is only part of the recovery. Some people never do, never have.
I think that I may make my next post just on men who have been raped by men. I think I may be able to fill that one up. And I likely won't be able to find any non- porn pictures for that post.
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